Okay, I’m actually back this time.
Here’s the deal. I had a rough semester, I thought I was going to start blogging again when things got better, but then I just didn’t. Writing a blog is a lot of work! And I just needed a break.
Soooooooo, I’m starting the new year by blogging for a couple of reasons:
- SO many people over break and then back at school have mentioned my blog to me and how much they love it, and it always reminds me how much I actually do love blogging. Although I sometimes feel kind of narcissistic (whoops) thinking that people actually want to read about me and my craziness, I also know how much help I’ve gotten from other people’s blogs and how happy it makes me when even just one person is inspired or comforted or whatever from something that I write.
- One of the reasons I even started this blog was to have some sort of personal addition to my future Pilates/Dietetics career, and the fact that I have to be an adult soon is really starting to hit me. I just want to be able to have some sort of resource that shows how invested I am in this lifestyle and how passionate I am about health, even if I barely ever listen to my own advice.
- I have talked a lot with therapists recently about how cathartic it is to write about yourself and your emotions and, especially with food or stress, what particular things set you off and how you are feeling when binge eating or panicking, etc. Unfortunately, I’ve started probably 35 journals in my life, only to write about 3 or 4 entries and then stick the journal in my drawer and never look at it again. This blog is a constant outlet for me to talk about myself (oops brutal honesty) and get everything off my chest, and seems to be one of the only ways I will confront what is going on in my life in terms of eating and emotions and whatnot.
Finally, and most importantly for you guys, I am taking some AWESOME nutrition/health classes this semester and I want you guys to know everything that I learn! YAY!
So just a little update on me:
I got back to Boston on the 5th, and I kept telling myself I would start all my “resolutions” when I got back to Boston, because frankly LA has way better food than Boston, and I kind of just wanted to treat myself while I was home with an unlimited amount of delicious restaurants.
I kind of started sporadically eating red meat again when I was home (red meat is the only thing that I actually haven’t started eating again since I originally cut it out), mainly whenever my mom made something delicious or whenever I went out to eat and wanted bacon or something. I also overloaded on cheese (remember when I cut out cheese? lolz…that didn’t last long) and things cooked in saturated and trans fats (here is the list of good and bad fats in case you were wondering whether or not eating french fries everyday is healthy) and just really really shitty food because it seemed delicious and I was giving myself a break or something.
Despite all my poor eating decisions, I continued to go to Pilates nearly everyday and maintain some degree of body consciousness so that it wouldn’t turn into one of my binge eating, feeling horrible about myself cycles, and I think I did a pretty good job! It was pretty interesting actually because while I did go out of my way to eat all the shitty food I have missed while in Boston, I was never really satisfied with any of the food.
What I mean is that while I was very happy to eat some dankness and to stop caring a little bit, there were some days that I would have this plan to go out and get some heavy but delicious food, and then I wouldn’t be hungry or I would be craving vegetables, and all the food just didn’t seem very appealing.
Of course, that didn’t really last very long. The gross food still wins a lot of the time, and I am definitely seeing the aftermath in my body, but I’m honestly not too concerned about it. To be real with you guys though, I did have a few break downs during break about my body, especially in the week before New Year’s Eve when I was trying to “diet” or whatever to fit into this bangin’ sparkly skin-tight dress, but for the most part I was feeling pretty okay with myself!
Realistically though, I was bound to have a few break downs because the holidays are literally my downfall when it comes to eating. There is just so much food thrown in your face, and I personally have a really hard time being able to stop eating before I get full, and then I was drinking a lot of wine and eating a lot of those damn h’orderves, and I was just watching all of it go directly to my stomach.
I actually had this really ridiculous break down where I cried to my mom about how I was getting morbidly obese or whatever and that I wouldn’t be able to fit into my New Year’s Eve dress, blah blah blah. Basically I was under the impression that whatever extra fat I was seeing in my stomach was this permanent fat that I would never get rid of or something… I don’t know, my crazy brain doesn’t ever make sense. Anyway, the moral of that story is that in the 2 days before New Year’s Eve, I just made sure to overload on veggies and protein, and cut out all the shitty food, and as it turns out, my stomach was looking fatter because I had eaten so much crap in such a short amount of time and literally just hadn’t gotten a chance to digest any of it!
It’s pretty funny because that is the exact reason why so many people follow food combining rules. I’ll do a separate post about it another time, but basically when you mix a lot of different foods that take different amounts of time to digest, it clogs up your digestive system and creates bloating and discomfort and it’s just no buenz. So when you stuff your face with holiday food for 3 days without even stopping to breathe, of course your body is going to need some time to get it all out of you.
So yeah, then I got back to school and I haven’t been the most diligent by any means, but I have finally started to get back into a routine of eating healthy and making my own food and not going out to eat for every meal and working out on a regular schedule again.
In terms of my “New Year’s Resolutions” that I promised myself to do when I get back to Boston, I still do have some, but they are a little bit different because I’ve decided that I don’t necessarily believe in New Year’s Resolutions. I definitely think they depend on the person and on the circumstance, but for the most part I feel like resolutions are just ways to make people feel better about starting the new year, because who doesn’t love telling themselves that they are finally going to get healthy, even if it doesn’t happen? To me, resolutions are a lot like fad dieting, where you go balls to the wall for anywhere from one day to maybe a month, and then all of a sudden something changes and every goal is just forgotten.
This is why, instead of resolutions, I have made some…
Goals for the New Year!
- Start running again! I haven’t run since I hurt my knee, partially because my knee honestly still hurts when I do too much, but mostly because I’m scared to go back. Frankly, I’m scared I won’t be as good of a runner (because obviously I won’t, but that’s a dumb fear), I’m scared some mystical gym fairies will judge me for the fact that I haven’t run in months (an example of my narcissism because literally NOBODY at the gym cares what I’m doing or even knows that I haven’t run in a while), and I’m just scared to get out of my comfort zone. It’s pretty stupid too because I used to really enjoy running, and the fact that I haven’t gone back and even tried is ridiculous.
- No more red meat! Seriously, I actually haven’t had any since break, and it’s pretty funny because when I tried whatever meat dishes were presented to me, it didn’t even taste good and I never really crave it. So that’s out again.
- Veggies, veggies, veggies. I need to get back to overloading on veggies whenever I can. Over break I went so many days without even looking at a vegetable, and I felt awful.
- Start blogging again! Pretty self explanatory. I really don’t want to post this one and then not post again for a month and a half, so I think my biggest challenge will be to set time aside everyday to reflect and find some awesome information for you guys and write some of this shiz out
- Find a job teaching Pilates. Literally, the only reason I haven’t done this yet is because I’m scared that I’m not ready. But realistically, I’m never going to be ready until I just do it. This is so freaking terrifying because I’ve never done anything like this before in my life, but I just need to buck up and do it because I love Pilates and I think I have the ability to be a really good teacher with some time and practice.
So yeah, those are my goals. I’m going to stop writing now because this post is far too long for anybody to read, but I’m really glad to be back and I hope you guys are glad I’m back as well! And if you’re not, then… that’s pretty awkward, but WHATEVA I’m back and I’ll be doing this for a while.
And here are some pictures of what I’ve been doing recently in case you guys were at all curious: